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Hello! Hope everyone's doing well. I know the past month has been particularly difficult for a lot of people. I hope that things are starting to look up, or that they will soon!

A couple of weeks ago I started seeing a therapist. Now that I've done it a couple of times, I see that I should have started a long, looong time ago. I know that there aren't any exact answers, but during the very first session, she offered an explanation (for why I am the way I am) that was so dead on, I couldn't believe it. I grew up thinking that my clusterfuck of a personality and inability to open up to people was solely the result of my failings as a human being. Turns out there may actually be a reason behind it!
So now we're working through things and I'm realizing all of this stuff, and it feels so weird but it's incredibly cathartic. If it keeps going like this, hopefully I'll be able to start taking those steps forward in life without having a nervous breakdown.

I may be able to get a new computer soon, which would be amazing. I'll finally be able to do stuff without my laptop spontaneously deciding to shut down.

1. Ask and I'll assign you a letter.
2. List (and upload/link) 5 songs you love that begin with that letter.
3. Post them to your journal with these instructions.

nasty_show ♥ gave me the letter C.

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk - Rufus Wainwright

Rufus ♥
A song about those tricky, sticky vices. What's not to love.
I live for theatrical crescendos. The mini-crescendo near the end, "So please be kind if I'm a mess", warms the cockles of my heart. The very cockles.

Chelsea Dagger - The Fratellis

Unf, I love me some Fratellis. What's that, you say? This song is so overused it's not even ridiculous?
Well...yeah. Whatever.

Clementine - Elliott Smith

It still makes me a little sad to listen to Elliott's music, given his untimely demise, but I never skip this one. I actually stumbled on this song by accident while researching the original folk song, and totally fell in love with it. I'll post the lyrics here. It's short, but heartbreaking.

They're waking you up to close the bar
The street's wet, you can tell by the sound of the cars
The bartender's singing "Clementine"
While he's turning around the open sign
Dreadful sorry, Clementine
Though you're still her man
It seems a long time gone
Maybe the whole thing's wrong
What if she thinks so but just didn't say so?
You drank yourself into slow-mo
Made an angel in the snow
Anything to pass the time
And keep that song out of your mind
Oh my darling
Oh my darling
Oh my darling Clementine
Dreadful sorry, Clementine

Culling of the Fold - The Decemberists

Deliciously dark. When Colin does violence, he goes all out. The passion in this song is kind of incredible.
I don't think I can physically pass up an excuse to post a Decemberists music video, so here's one for an entirely different song. Watch if you dig on model UN's!

Cathedrals - Jump, Little Children

This song has gotten around too, but you can't deny that it's gorgeous.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 5th, 2011 02:16 am (UTC)
I hope I'm not out of line when I say I'm glad you got help. I always read your posts and have seen you mention your depression before, but every time I've gone to comment I get all awkward and floundery and don't know what to say.

Finding a good therapist is totally key. Anyone who's gone to them can tell you the string of terrible ones that had to go through before finding the one right for them.

It's great that you've found someone who can help explain why you're you, and hopefully help you better understand who you are as a person (you are a beautiful person, for real). Take things one step at a time, and know you can do it.
Apr. 6th, 2011 02:13 am (UTC)
I know how you feel. I always feel like I'm either gonna say something really stupid or inadvertently offensive or whatever. I always appreciate your comments, though!

That's one of the reasons I was wary to start in the first place. I did have therapists when I was a child, so I know what it's like to go through ineffective ones. I'm actually seeing my mom's old therapist, and it does seem to be working out well so far. I guess that's the good thing about coming from a family of crazies, they've road-tested plenty of professionals for you.

Thank you so much. It makes it so much better to know there are people who care. I am trying to take baby steps, and I think once I gain some confidence it'll get easier.
Apr. 5th, 2011 03:18 pm (UTC)
My little sister saw a therapist for a couple of years because of her huge issues with our mother, and she was helped greatly (even found the strength to write her feelings out in a letter to her, expressing a hope to have a closer relationship. Sadly my mother ignored it). I remember her telling me everyone should see a therapist, even if they didn't think they needed to. I'm glad you're getting help. I never knew you were depressed, but I guess I'm not really that close to you. :(
Apr. 6th, 2011 01:21 am (UTC)
Yeah, it's really helpful. My mom's been trying to get me to go since I started college. I knew I needed to, but I was also scared that once I started pulling at that thread, it would all get even messier, if that makes sense. But yes, I think most people could benefit from it, making little improvements that affect their quality of life in general.

Aw, that's okay. Turns out being depressed and being withdrawn kind of go hand in hand. Who would have guessed??
I have a hard time being emotionally open with my closest friends. Even my family. So, hopefully I'll be able to work on that too.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


Latest Month

December 2020


  • 5 Sep 2012, 12:45
    Thank you! If you ever get more mad money, come on down. I can cut a discount for friends. :)
    I can also do custom pieces if that ever interests you!
  • 25 Aug 2012, 18:14
    Those are super cute. Wish Tery hadn't lost her job and I still had mad money :(
  • 8 Aug 2012, 12:15
    No no, I've just been having a rough year. I usually keep up with my friend's list, though! It's just the last couple of weeks that I've missed. I hope you and Tery are doing well!
  • 7 Aug 2012, 05:48
    Thank Merlin, starting to think you died....!
  • 5 Jan 2012, 08:45
    Yeah, most of the people I talked to had a pretty crappy year.
    I hope it's good too!
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