Argh, so, things I've been doing in the past month. I saw Brokeback Mountain twice, and I loved it like a gay man loves The Cock.
I don't think I've seen any other movies lately, except for Kong. Urgh...I'm not even gonna talk about that one.
Michael is getting his wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow. GOOD LUCK, BOOTYMASTER.
Someone in this household done stole'd one of my weenies. They will pay.
Now, onto the geekery. A Nintendo DS game from Japan that has consumed my life in recent times.
I don't know who will read this, but I do know you should. That's right, you.
This is one of the BEST GAMES I'VE EVER PLAYED EVER IN MY LIFE EVER.
OH YES, GOD YES.
Doesn't the idea of a video game about lawyers just make you want to crap your pants in excitement? Huh? No? Oh.
Then I guess this game isn't for you.
NO WAIT I'M TOTALLY LYING
See, this game has been out in Japan for a while now. It was originally a GBA game, but they converted it to DS and then brought it over here in that format. It works fine as a GBA game, but I like it even more as a DS. It became crazy popular in Japan because it's such a weird, quirky game. Hopefully Capcom will decide to something more with it over here, because at the moment it has been discontinued and there're still two sequels in Japan that NEED TO BE TRANSLATED. A fan has been working on a translation patch for the ROMs, but it takes a looong time to do and they only have one case done so far. It is a valiant effort on their part, though.
SO, about the story. The game is focused on a young (23 year old) defense attorney in L.A. named Phoenix Wright. At the beginning of the game, it's his first actual court case and he's not very confident. His chief, a buxom woman named Mia Fey, helps him understand the system and gives him valuable advice. The main characters all have quite interesting backstories, which are revealed more in each case. The first game, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, has five cases. The fifth case is an extra one designed specifically for use with DS controls (you get to dust for fingerprints, put a broken jar back together, use luminol spray to see blood stains and utilize a tool that allows you to examine evidence from almost every angle! !!!! !!! How cool is that??!).
Five cases might not seem like very many, but believe me when I say that some of them take a looooong time to finish.
IS THIS GAME AN ACCURATE PORTRAYAL OF LAWYERING OR OUR COURT SYSTEM? Well...not really. First of all, it's based more on Japanese law than American, obviously. Second, it takes place IN THE FUTURE (2016), so some of the laws/systems shown are just futuristic craziness.
IS IT FUN? Hellz yes! Hellllllzzzz yessss!!
It always starts out with a fun animation featuring the crime that the case revolves around. In the first two cases, they actually show you who the real killer is. In the others, the cases are more complex and you have to figure it out yourself. [Forgive the crappy quality of the jpegs. I don't have a DS emulator, so I just used screencaps from ign.com]
After that, you start at your law office. Then you have to talk to your defendant at the detention center, go exploring, and find out as much about the crime as you possibly can. This involves searching for clues and evidence, examining a scene or just talking to people. Presenting certain people with certain items that you've found can get you more information. It also sometimes helps you, uh..."pressure" people into giving you things.
OH SNAP, SHE ANGRY
This is where you examine the surroundings.
Then, once you've advanced far enough and have obtained all the information/evidence necessary, you go to COURT! This is where you really start to feel the heat.
The judge may say some things or ask you a question that you must answer to prove...something something. I dunno. That never really matters, cause you can't get penalized for it. Plus, the judge is a frickin' idiot and can go to hell. Whoa...where'd that come from? I've been playing this too long.
After the prosecution has presented its statement, the first witness goes up and testifies.
Then comes the:
Yay! Cross examination!! This is where you really get to do stuff.
If the witness says anything suspicious or contradictory, you can press them on it. [And in the DS version, when it prompts you, you can actually yell out "HOLD IT" or "OBJECTION" into the DS microphone. It's really fun, but it makes you look insane if you happen to be playing the game in public.]
Evidence is accepted into the Court Record throughout the trial.
And then, one of the funnest things to do when you're all hyped up over the game, raising an:
Seriously, even though they're just pixels, it is deeply satisfying to see the witnesses squirm when you point out their lies and back it them into a corner with concrete evidence. A handful of the witnesses are actually honest/good people, but the majority are LYING BASTARDS WHO DESERVE WHAT THEY GET!!
If you present the wrong evidence during an objection, you're penalized for it. If you're penalized 5 times during a trial, you lose and your defendant is declared guilty.
If you do everything right, however, the judge will either declare your client not guilty or suspend the trial to the next day, depending on how long the case is supposed to be.
It is loads of fun, but it's also VERY challenging at times. It may not look too tough from what I've shown here, but there are parts that took me a LONG time to figure out. You can easily get stuck on little parts for over ten minutes...so you have to be clever.
Did I mention that some of the dialog is HIGHLY amusing? Some lines made me chuckle, and some made me CACKLE LIKE A FUCKING HYENA. Then again, staring at a screen that small for five hours straight does strange things to your head.
So, yeah. There's a lot more to it than what I have here, but I've spent too much time on this post already. You really just have to play it for yourself to understand how cool it is.
Also, meet Edgeworth. Phoenix's rival and friend; brilliant prosecutor with an angsty past:
Of course, we all know that behind the scenes he and Phoenix are engaging in hot, angry, defense attorney/prosecuting attorney sex. It's probably one of the most OBVIOUS parts of the game.
There's one problem, though. You can't really find Phoenix Wright in stores anymore, since they discontinued it. If you're lucky, you might be able to track a copy down, but it's not likely. So if you have a DS, scour eBay or steal this game from a friend and maybe even WRITE TO CAPCOM DEMANDING THAT THEY BRING IT BACK!! Not that that'll happen, but at least we may get the sequels.
Whoa, okay, that's enough for now. Wow, my head hurts.